Sunday, February 8, 2009
I want to post my picture to this blog but I'm waiting for my lazy boyfriend because I don't know how to do it
Do you know a "computer guy?" Aren't they just the stuffiest, most arrogant bastards? They say, "I'll do it tomorrow," but tomorrow never comes. Meanwhile they let you struggle and fume and sweat it out till you either get it, or you don't. And they never tell you their secrets. Oh, no. They just sit down (when they do finally sit down), press a few buttons so fast that you don't know what just happened, your problem is fixed, and you have no idea how it was done! And then they look at you with that condescending smile like, "Look how easy that was!"
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I had a psychiatrist in a hospital once who was positively evil. He refused to tell people what was wrong with them, even though he presumed to know. He wanted them to figure it out and sweat it out. Well, the only way I found out one secret that I needed to learn at that time was by listening to other people talk about what they had figured out. Someone said that depression was anger turned inward. That made sense for me. I was hearing it for the first time. I decided to try to let my emotions out and began (though I still had a long, long way to go) to feel a tiny bit more in touch with myself.
Incidentally, I did demand some answers from him, and he did write me a list of some useful things to remember. One was "Don't be a groupie," i.e., Don't focus all your attention on your husband, focus on yourself. One was, "Think!" Bringing out my rational mind was really what I needed to do. I thought then that he was pretty smart after all, but his demeanor was frightening. And it was really disgusting (uggghhh!!!) the way three young female assistants (who never did us patients any good but served his ego, because he was an old crochety, egotistical fart) used to cluster around him, caressing his shoulders, hair, etc. Honest to God, I remember this. While he was torturing me, these three women were worshipping him. That's the kind of crap you get in hospitals.
You're treated as subhuman, meanwhile those people in charge are just sitting around feeling good about themselves.
That was some real dope on hospitals.
Funny, I wrote a lighthearted poem about the hospital experience today.
Well, you must remember, it all depends upon the particular hospital you happen to land in. They can sometimes be nice, healing places. But always, always, I sought out other people and communication and laughed with them and communed with them whenever possible. We listened and helped solve each other's problems. Socialization is a big plus in the hospital experiences. Doctors are more often a big minus. They want to label you and drug you and confine you and insult you. There are good ones. But you can never completely trust the psychiatrist in the hospital. Best thing to do is get out of the hospital with the best discharge plans you can dream up, and proceed with your life, however dismal it may be until you get your life settled again and working the way it should.
Well, this is the new Ruth talking to the old Ruth now with a dose of traditional values... No, I really don't want gay people raising children together.
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